Some secrets of me ...... Untouched, Unrevealed

Dear Friends,

Following, I have copied here exactly same from the diary I used to maintain during my Bachelor's in Institute of Forestry. This piece of writing is special to me in many ways ... as I have perceived it to be one of the best piece of writings I have ever written till now ... so please enjoy reading the unchanged version ....

Dated : 2064 - Baisakh - 3

Venue : Last bench, IOF Library

Waiting for : happiness to come my way

Secret : can't reveal tears never

technique : smiling face forever

Where am I : last benches, the old forgotten library of IOF

Complexity : love that's going to end soon; nobody is betraying expect time

Peace : a great imagination of my present life

Khusi : my beloved friend, I must learn many ways of being happy from her

Memories : forgotten hard chapters

Friendship : very mysterious opposite end

Best friend : am I the one for anyone

Enemies : time and god

Defeated : by luck forever; the weapons were gifted by my two enemies

Career : zigzag, on the trustful side though

Looking : myself in the lost and unidentified mirror of scattered dreams

Revenge : so hard to take

Two Girls : SA- golden assets of whatever I have achieved in years in IOF

Comparison : I can't compare my eyes, how can I in case of SA

Killing : my heart pains , occasional but deadly

Want to know : me, 10 years after travelling the boisterous road of life

Expectations : very big, win the summit before time rushes

Define yourself : a sentimental fool, occasional hard worker, isolated philosopher

Define world : complex, challenging and versatile

Touch and go : her smile, my father's mesmerizing lectures and my own jokes

Gift : smile for a smile, smile for no smile - the bigger one

Smile : best way to keep secrets, secrets of anxieties

Like to : make the most lonely person of the world my special friend

Hate : poverty, violence and hunger - big threats to earth

Mystery : unknown about self destination

Fun : touch to craziness and frivolity

Glimpse : embrace of life with demise; moment of the travel

Truth : series of hidden rain in my lone pair of eyes

Hope : uninterrupted sojourns

Strange : every person is different in other's perception

Wish : simplicity, as simple as I can be

Theory : principles and no principles, happiness and no happiness

Frustrations : unexpected wild anxious moments

Untouched : my varying heartbeats

Creativity : unfilled blanks of my life

Motto : a big smile before leaving the earth

Last lines : forget me, forget me not - depends upon you

Struggle Against Time

Time; though you have your own speed and velocity of your race, you keep touching the horeizon and breaking peoples' mentalities somehow. This must be the reason why I sabotage myself completely when I try my conventional struggles in my daily life against you. Those moments are really harsh to survive as you cover me up by spreading all over me brutally. The little flowers reproduced by you in the past have now changed into dead leaves off late through your own eternal magic; like others dead are the dreams running in my eyes as the denouements of the nasty changes regulated by you.

You are a great destroyer, I know. Yet, by some means I can accumulate courage to struggle against you. You offer pain which I try to heal through my smile, you are fond of travesty which I hate most ..... I promise I will keep fighting until even my last breathe is on. You are the cruelest dictator, I can see this in numerous lives being dominated by you. You are relentless when we want to be placid. How often you surprise the world by sending uncountable souls to paradise, you never surrender even in front of heavens. I know you are my biggest enemy, however, I still look up to your personality, dictatorship and enormous ability.

In spite of this, I have often suggested you to be a touch affable when the situation forces you to be. To be very clear I want you to treat lives magnanimously so that the people around can render respect to you and your persona. Otherwise, just watch and your existence will be precarious.

I am so sure about this because no one likes cruel dictators; and you top the list.

My Loneliness ........

Do I appreciate my loneliness?

There are two school of thoughts that my instincts hint me regarding my loneliness. The first being that loneliness has taught me to be strong, courageous and a survivor of heart breaking failures. However, on the other hand there is a big hand of depression being frantically involved whenever I find myself all alone.

During my loneliness as always the case is, tears rain down my eyes automatically though I have no idea of the cause. The boy for whom fun is as essential as his subtle daily chores, changes completely into a much somber man as if he has uncountable complexions to solve in life.

Yet, many a times I have felt that loneliness has made me stronger than I usually am. How can I forget the great library studies of IOF where actually loneliness was my only close chum. My attitudes and personality would turn into seriousness at its apex once I embraced that last bench of the library of IOF. That's why I was a declared last bencher during my stay in those four years.

I guess the argument about my loneliness being friend or adversary will never end; yet sometime or the other different upshots will keep coming.