Writing after a hiatus indeed, not sure what it was for - as it was indeed contradictory to my belief that being a part of literature in even a minute way is what I cherish the most. Nevertheless, writing again for some noble causes. Will definitely continue rather often.
Many a times there are moments of indifference in me when I just tend to think that I have yet again traveled a day forward in life's mysterious odyssey, a day close to the frantic encounter with my demise, a lot of hopes from future "either tomorrow or a week later or a year down the road" - although somewhere my heart has already compromised that nothing new has been done, nothing new will be done, nothing new can be done. I can see two extremes in me, when I endeavor to focus the chapters of life a bit arrogantly making a self centered approach, I feel puzzled every now and then, a moment later to escape away from the dilemma I try hard to find the humbleness in me, I feel it lost in the so called charisma of present rugged individualism.
There have been optimistic lessons in my life too, many being from my parents, others from teachers, well wishers, friends and coevals, whom I should have envied for my better instead of being jealous for the bad parts of selfishness. In my childhood, I read the story of a blind man for whom light was cryptic, however, he rendered threats to darkness by carrying a lamp while walking along different streets at night. A lot of fools would declare him moonstruck, the human beings better at heart would inspire from his gesture of offering light to others in the darkness in spite of the fact that light would always be a failure to him.
Morally, the story above and such stories of sacrifice are reflective that we should not sequester the decency we have in us even if our egotistical nature hates to do so. But then how many of us don't think that it’s as hard to find a diamond as to find such people in practical life. Honestly, I would have spent my time alone fighting with anxieties of darkness rather than carrying a lamp for favoring my biggest enemy had I been in place of the blind man. I was definitely inspired from him during my childhood years because innocence was my biggest weapon back then as it is to every child, time passed, it filled its hideous ornaments of selfishness in me with its passage. Time fills selfishness in everyone, what matters ultimately is to what level we can separate it from taking possession in us.
The war between idol and evil in the same human heart keeps on with life, in everyone's life I am sure there are times when evil wins over the idol different situations mentioned. Others may argue that they always win over the evil instinct; I confess that there have been so many instants where I am a looser to evil in my war of good and bad. I just regret for the situation and try to rectify the mistake before it grows big. Truth in us has to win against all haughtiness for our lives to be peaceful even in the midst of anxieties.
Happiness will be a part in us if we be a helping hand for someone in need rather than looking to abolish others’ satisfaction for our mentally must be gained type priorities. I bet even if we accompany the success of completing our priorities following the latter theory, we will make eternal happiness our biggest enemy for no reasons.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Monday, August 2, 2010
The Street Children
They all are so fearless, somehow innocently rude, using rough words with each other and the people who avoid their panhandles. People walking around render an ugly look at them as if they have stolen all their precious entities, not all though, some glare at them with sympathy yet doing nothing except silently walking away. The poorest thing on their behalf being that such destiny had been chosen for them at god’s land, ugly sources anonymous. They all are innocent from cradle to grave yet they have a destiny to suffer, to struggle for food and money, to compete with the hideous trend of society that sequesters them as if they have just no rights to smile, cheer and be happy. Such is the life of poor street children in our country.
I confess that I fall in the second category of people for such children. Yet there have been moments in my life where one of the street children would interpolate my callous attitudes of affording them sympathy rather than a hand of friendship, avoiding them as far as possible rather than an embrace and teach me a bunch of beautiful chapters that they too have the ability to struggle for their happiness. The hospice they are in may look subtle and fragile to the world, they innovate ahead to make it a land of shield defense where even the cruelest human being would find hard to show brutality at them. Here is the best chapter worth sharing.
It was some eight years behind the scene when I happened to meet a little girl on my course of travel from my home town Mahendranagar to the capital. She climbed in our bus and started hobnobbing with the passengers for some money. Yet a cruel animal in the form of a human started acting pervert with the little child who hadn’t even stepped into her teens. I don’t know about other passengers in the bus but my heart always condemns me of being more frantic than that animal because I never dared step ahead to help the girl like everyone in the bus just because he was an army officer and army had supreme power at that time in our country. The girl instead stared at every face at first as if she was waiting for someone to save her from the savage. She found no one, accumulated courage astonishingly, a moment later people saw her escaping away as fast as she could after spitting at the army officer’s face. Filled with loathe and anger the officer chased her, amazingly she had already skulked in one of the huts in the slum. Simultaneously, leaving some mysterious reasons behind, the officer refused to travel in our bus.
This incident kept haunting me on ample occasions until I saw her again on my way back to my home town, this time in a completely different place. Luckily for me or her, I don’t know, there were no such perverts on this bus. When she approached me after going to a number of passengers in search of money, I smiled at her generously, “You are a brave child and I am sorry that I couldn’t help you that moment.” She spontaneously remembered me as a face of the cowards witnessing that incident, gracefully said, “Its okay brother. Indeed I feel surprised that for the first time someone talked so nicely with me otherwise I generally expect rude behaviors from people.” Among many things she told was her beautiful name Ichya and that she was doing all this for surviving herself from orphanage. I still think about reasons why she didn’t take anything from me even the small amount of money I wanted to render her; instead she thanked me for the way I behaved with her. In all of my journeys to and fro since then, my eyes definitely look for cute little Ichya, however, I still haven’t been able to find her.
Many people proudly proclaim children of being images of god, however, inside they are far more unforgiving than their fake identities. It’s such a dreadful thing to see that some of the parents use their own children as a weapon to get away from their poverty. Ichya told me stories of many of her such friends, shedding a quote of maturity that she was indeed happy not to live the destiny like her friends.
They may be spread all over our country in different forms showing a variety of nature and make up from the most remote villages to the most developed streets of the capital, regardless of wherever they are, most know to enjoy their own small world with hale and happiness. I have seen them taking nap in their own unique sojourns, play even with the most unattractive dogs and pigs around them which for them would be the most beautiful creatures in the earth; share whatever they have with each other and sacrifice their nights for finding sleeps to their friends. Well off children may learn about selfishness due to their upbringing but they would never. The truth that they are their own teachers will help them to be far from being selfish. They all just wait for perceptions to be changed when people think about them like a small street girl poorest at money but richest at heart taught me a lesson to endeavor to be a part of their problems and feel the satisfaction that follows.
I confess that I fall in the second category of people for such children. Yet there have been moments in my life where one of the street children would interpolate my callous attitudes of affording them sympathy rather than a hand of friendship, avoiding them as far as possible rather than an embrace and teach me a bunch of beautiful chapters that they too have the ability to struggle for their happiness. The hospice they are in may look subtle and fragile to the world, they innovate ahead to make it a land of shield defense where even the cruelest human being would find hard to show brutality at them. Here is the best chapter worth sharing.
It was some eight years behind the scene when I happened to meet a little girl on my course of travel from my home town Mahendranagar to the capital. She climbed in our bus and started hobnobbing with the passengers for some money. Yet a cruel animal in the form of a human started acting pervert with the little child who hadn’t even stepped into her teens. I don’t know about other passengers in the bus but my heart always condemns me of being more frantic than that animal because I never dared step ahead to help the girl like everyone in the bus just because he was an army officer and army had supreme power at that time in our country. The girl instead stared at every face at first as if she was waiting for someone to save her from the savage. She found no one, accumulated courage astonishingly, a moment later people saw her escaping away as fast as she could after spitting at the army officer’s face. Filled with loathe and anger the officer chased her, amazingly she had already skulked in one of the huts in the slum. Simultaneously, leaving some mysterious reasons behind, the officer refused to travel in our bus.
This incident kept haunting me on ample occasions until I saw her again on my way back to my home town, this time in a completely different place. Luckily for me or her, I don’t know, there were no such perverts on this bus. When she approached me after going to a number of passengers in search of money, I smiled at her generously, “You are a brave child and I am sorry that I couldn’t help you that moment.” She spontaneously remembered me as a face of the cowards witnessing that incident, gracefully said, “Its okay brother. Indeed I feel surprised that for the first time someone talked so nicely with me otherwise I generally expect rude behaviors from people.” Among many things she told was her beautiful name Ichya and that she was doing all this for surviving herself from orphanage. I still think about reasons why she didn’t take anything from me even the small amount of money I wanted to render her; instead she thanked me for the way I behaved with her. In all of my journeys to and fro since then, my eyes definitely look for cute little Ichya, however, I still haven’t been able to find her.
Many people proudly proclaim children of being images of god, however, inside they are far more unforgiving than their fake identities. It’s such a dreadful thing to see that some of the parents use their own children as a weapon to get away from their poverty. Ichya told me stories of many of her such friends, shedding a quote of maturity that she was indeed happy not to live the destiny like her friends.
They may be spread all over our country in different forms showing a variety of nature and make up from the most remote villages to the most developed streets of the capital, regardless of wherever they are, most know to enjoy their own small world with hale and happiness. I have seen them taking nap in their own unique sojourns, play even with the most unattractive dogs and pigs around them which for them would be the most beautiful creatures in the earth; share whatever they have with each other and sacrifice their nights for finding sleeps to their friends. Well off children may learn about selfishness due to their upbringing but they would never. The truth that they are their own teachers will help them to be far from being selfish. They all just wait for perceptions to be changed when people think about them like a small street girl poorest at money but richest at heart taught me a lesson to endeavor to be a part of their problems and feel the satisfaction that follows.
Friday, January 22, 2010
LETTERS
It was her eighteenth birthday, yet her mother didn’t even call her to wish her. Roshani expected her calls at least in her birthdays although she knew that her mother hates her so much. She never wished her in all these years. Roshani had tried so hard to achieve her mother’s love and affection ever since she realized she was bereft of that. When she understood her childhood for the first time she was shocked to observe that her mother kept distances from her and behaved with her rudely even if she tried to be close with her.
On her sixth birthday, when her father and other relatives wished her she realized that her mother was just indifferent to her even for that day. Then she ran through all the tears she could and asked her father, “Dad why is mom behaving like this even today. I thought this was just my illusion that mom hates me but today I am sure you are hiding something from me.” Her father looked at her astonishingly; he was stunned that such a small child could ask such a big question. He realized that it was the right time to explain Roshani what had happened during her birth.
“Roshani, my princess today I will tell you everything” her father began, “Look it’s not anyone’s fault but destiny found a road like this during the time of your birth. Your mother had always wished for a son since the day we got married, I said I wished a daughter. But then we promised each other that either son or a daughter we will always take care of the child. During her pregnancy we came to know from the doctor that she would give birth to twins, a son and a daughter. We were so happy to hear that news. Everything was running fine before one day she fell of a ladder just a couple of days earlier than her expected delivery. She went unconscious, the doctors at the hospital later on explained to me that the case had become much more complex. They tried hard in the operation but couldn’t save your twin brother. When your mother came to know about this, she underwent a strange shock. When we took you in front of her, she had cried for your brother aloud, “Take away this girl from me, she isn’t my daughter in fact she has killed my son.” She continued crying for days, the doctors later said that the pain of the death of her son had incepted such a bad effect suddenly that she had started to hate you when she first saw you.” Her father finished and silence covered that room for sometime which was almost killing Roshani. She broke the silence, “But dad didn’t you talk to her regarding this later on up to now?” “Of course I tried a lot of times; however, I don’t know why her mind and face would feel a strange type of agony when I started talking about you. She just screamed with anguish that you had killed your brother” Her father broke into tears, “You know Roshani she didn’t even milk you during your early childhood.” The scene was outrageous. Moments later both hugged each other and cried for long.
A week later Roshani asked her father regarding the hardest decision she had to make in such early years for her, “Dad I can’t live here with mom being like the way she is to me. Please send me far away to hostel for my studies. I can’t survive mom being near me and hating me. But if I am far from her maybe she will realize my love for her one day.” Her father was astonished, “Do you know what are you saying Roshani? Don’t lose hopes my child we will try our best together to make your mom overcome the shock she went through and start loving you again. Please baby” “No dad” Roshani replied firmly, “I thought about this for so long. I feel as if I am almost dying when I realize that mom hates me and I can’t live like this together with her.” She went to her mother as she was about to leave home, “Mom I am going far from your life today. I just want to say that whatever happened wasn’t due to me, I wish I had died that day instead of my brother so that you would have been fine and happy nowadays. I hope someday in life you will understand that I love you more than my life.” Roshani almost cried listening to her mom’s reply, “I will always hate you for killing my son you devil. Go away and never come back in my life.” She took a step back, turned around; her mother didn’t see the big drops of tears all through her eyes as she kept running away from her to the gate where her father was standing to take her to the hostel.
Roshani had decided that she would never return home unless her mother felt love for her. She thought she would share her feelings of love and respect for her mother in her secret letters of loneliness. Though she wouldn’t send all the letters to her mom, she would send a letter once in a year just before her birthday keeping her fingers crossed that maybe this year her mom’s heart would melt for her. Years went by doing as she decided, yet no replies from her mom. Her father tried to take her back many times yet didn’t succeed because of her determination of not going in front of her mother unless she completely spread love for her.
The letters which she wrote during different times of her loneliness continued growing more matured and emotional as time passed by still her mother was on the same boat of hate and angriness for her. Roshani would spend numerous nights sleeplessly while writing the letter which she sent to her mother just before every of her birthday carefully scrutinizing every of the word she would write. However, she always heard from her father that her mom never read those letters even once. She tore them without even glancing at them.
Roshani was lost in all emotional feelings while crossing the road a day after her eighteenth birthday as she often used to, she couldn’t notice a big car rushing towards her. Although the driver tried to control the accident by applying brakes, it was too late to avoid the collision. She got struck by the car and was thrown a few meters away. She was murmuring before she went unconscious, “Don’t hate me mom please. I can’t live without your love.” Instantly, in spite of being far away from her, a strange anguish went inside her mother’s heart as if she had listened to those words, she screamed aloud, “Roshani”. Aside her husband woke up; it was middle of the night, “What happened dear? Did you saw a bad dream? Please keep courage; I know it’s hard for us for both of us to cope with our son’s death just a couple of months earlier but still we need to live for our princess Roshani.”
“Adi” as she called her husband whenever she was emotional, “If whatever I saw today was a dream, I am so much thankful to this dream for it has taught me the importance of our child Roshani in my life. Now, I will give her the love of her twin brother too which she can’t get in life because of his death during my delivery.”
Then slowly she stepped towards her small, cute and tiny two months old sleeping child Roshani, took her little hands, caressed them and kissed them. Two big drops of tears went down her eyes as she whispered softly, “I am so sorry for whatever I did even in my dreams princess. The letters will always be important not only for you but also for me too. We will write the sweetest words for each other in them and read them together when time comes”
On her sixth birthday, when her father and other relatives wished her she realized that her mother was just indifferent to her even for that day. Then she ran through all the tears she could and asked her father, “Dad why is mom behaving like this even today. I thought this was just my illusion that mom hates me but today I am sure you are hiding something from me.” Her father looked at her astonishingly; he was stunned that such a small child could ask such a big question. He realized that it was the right time to explain Roshani what had happened during her birth.
“Roshani, my princess today I will tell you everything” her father began, “Look it’s not anyone’s fault but destiny found a road like this during the time of your birth. Your mother had always wished for a son since the day we got married, I said I wished a daughter. But then we promised each other that either son or a daughter we will always take care of the child. During her pregnancy we came to know from the doctor that she would give birth to twins, a son and a daughter. We were so happy to hear that news. Everything was running fine before one day she fell of a ladder just a couple of days earlier than her expected delivery. She went unconscious, the doctors at the hospital later on explained to me that the case had become much more complex. They tried hard in the operation but couldn’t save your twin brother. When your mother came to know about this, she underwent a strange shock. When we took you in front of her, she had cried for your brother aloud, “Take away this girl from me, she isn’t my daughter in fact she has killed my son.” She continued crying for days, the doctors later said that the pain of the death of her son had incepted such a bad effect suddenly that she had started to hate you when she first saw you.” Her father finished and silence covered that room for sometime which was almost killing Roshani. She broke the silence, “But dad didn’t you talk to her regarding this later on up to now?” “Of course I tried a lot of times; however, I don’t know why her mind and face would feel a strange type of agony when I started talking about you. She just screamed with anguish that you had killed your brother” Her father broke into tears, “You know Roshani she didn’t even milk you during your early childhood.” The scene was outrageous. Moments later both hugged each other and cried for long.
A week later Roshani asked her father regarding the hardest decision she had to make in such early years for her, “Dad I can’t live here with mom being like the way she is to me. Please send me far away to hostel for my studies. I can’t survive mom being near me and hating me. But if I am far from her maybe she will realize my love for her one day.” Her father was astonished, “Do you know what are you saying Roshani? Don’t lose hopes my child we will try our best together to make your mom overcome the shock she went through and start loving you again. Please baby” “No dad” Roshani replied firmly, “I thought about this for so long. I feel as if I am almost dying when I realize that mom hates me and I can’t live like this together with her.” She went to her mother as she was about to leave home, “Mom I am going far from your life today. I just want to say that whatever happened wasn’t due to me, I wish I had died that day instead of my brother so that you would have been fine and happy nowadays. I hope someday in life you will understand that I love you more than my life.” Roshani almost cried listening to her mom’s reply, “I will always hate you for killing my son you devil. Go away and never come back in my life.” She took a step back, turned around; her mother didn’t see the big drops of tears all through her eyes as she kept running away from her to the gate where her father was standing to take her to the hostel.
Roshani had decided that she would never return home unless her mother felt love for her. She thought she would share her feelings of love and respect for her mother in her secret letters of loneliness. Though she wouldn’t send all the letters to her mom, she would send a letter once in a year just before her birthday keeping her fingers crossed that maybe this year her mom’s heart would melt for her. Years went by doing as she decided, yet no replies from her mom. Her father tried to take her back many times yet didn’t succeed because of her determination of not going in front of her mother unless she completely spread love for her.
The letters which she wrote during different times of her loneliness continued growing more matured and emotional as time passed by still her mother was on the same boat of hate and angriness for her. Roshani would spend numerous nights sleeplessly while writing the letter which she sent to her mother just before every of her birthday carefully scrutinizing every of the word she would write. However, she always heard from her father that her mom never read those letters even once. She tore them without even glancing at them.
Roshani was lost in all emotional feelings while crossing the road a day after her eighteenth birthday as she often used to, she couldn’t notice a big car rushing towards her. Although the driver tried to control the accident by applying brakes, it was too late to avoid the collision. She got struck by the car and was thrown a few meters away. She was murmuring before she went unconscious, “Don’t hate me mom please. I can’t live without your love.” Instantly, in spite of being far away from her, a strange anguish went inside her mother’s heart as if she had listened to those words, she screamed aloud, “Roshani”. Aside her husband woke up; it was middle of the night, “What happened dear? Did you saw a bad dream? Please keep courage; I know it’s hard for us for both of us to cope with our son’s death just a couple of months earlier but still we need to live for our princess Roshani.”
“Adi” as she called her husband whenever she was emotional, “If whatever I saw today was a dream, I am so much thankful to this dream for it has taught me the importance of our child Roshani in my life. Now, I will give her the love of her twin brother too which she can’t get in life because of his death during my delivery.”
Then slowly she stepped towards her small, cute and tiny two months old sleeping child Roshani, took her little hands, caressed them and kissed them. Two big drops of tears went down her eyes as she whispered softly, “I am so sorry for whatever I did even in my dreams princess. The letters will always be important not only for you but also for me too. We will write the sweetest words for each other in them and read them together when time comes”
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Blooded Emotions
Rohit was indifferent to the passing big storm around the park where he used to spend his loneliness as this storm didn’t count very much in front the hurricane that had erupted volcanoes in his life sabotaging each of his emotions and feelings. It was getting harder for him to breathe in the air full of deceit, treachery and perfidy. His tears couldn’t stop when he remembered all those harsh betrayals he faced from the ones he loved and trusted most.
Rohit, a simple yet ambitious young boy twenty two years in age had lost his mother a couple of years ago in a brutal car accident. He still remembers crying like he couldn’t stop when his mother was in the final stages of her life. When the doctors told him that she had embraced demise Rohit kept looking and hugging for some time forgetting everything after which he went unconscious. He was so close to his mother because no one in his family understood more than her. His father, a rich, arrogant and stubborn businessman, never had time to share with him and his mom in all those years. On the day of the accident too he only appeared in the hospital after his wife had died.
Since his early childhood Rohit hated his father but it was due to his mom that he never showed his anger against him. He can never forget the final words of his mother to him, “ Rohit, my baby, I understand you have disliked your father ever since you grew up, but still if possible; for my sake never show your angriness against him. He never gave time to me as well but I don’t have any complains for him and I would like you to get along too. If you can’t be good with him, don’t be bad behaved with him either ok.” She continued, “You have found such a great companion in Shalini who loves you so much. Always take care of her and keep following the lessons that I have taught you. You are a great son, I am sorry from my heart that I could never bring the love of your father to you.” “Please mom, don’t say that, you are indeed the best mom in the world” Rohit murmured and both started crying. Then Shalini slowly kept her hands in Rohit’s shoulder. The moment after that was so emotional when his mom took Rohit and Shalini’s hands together and started choking. Rohit left hastily to call the doctor but when he came back with the doctor everything was finished and his mom had left the world.
As time passed by Rohit decided to take care of his mom’s final words by getting along in his life with Shalini and leaving his father with his own life. Shalini, his classmate for a year proposed him a couple of months before his mother’s accident. Though he was also attached to her during their togetherness he decided to agree her proposal only after asking his mom. His happiness was most important to his mom so she agreed easily thus making way for both of them to be in a relationship.
But it was only three months after his mom’s accident when Rohit was still trying to come to his normal life after the biggest mishap of his life; one day Shalini shockingly said an unbelievable thing to her, “Rohit I know you will be annoyed to hear this but I have to tell you. We will be in a relationship but not through our marriage.” “What do you mean Shalini?” He interrupted. “I am not marrying you Rohit. Indeed I am marrying your father in a month from now.” Shalini didn’t speak after saying those brutal lines. The land below Rohit looked displaced to him, he quivered, “Do you understand what are you saying Shalini? This is not possible. I mean how, Shalini you can’t be true” “That’s the truth Rohit, if you don’t believe ask your father about this” Shalini left.
Mr. Vinay Kashyap the man whom Rohit hated most in his life although he was his father had given Rohit another reason to hate him more that day. He went furiously to him, “Dad why are you spoiling my life? How can you marry a girl who is half of your age? I will never accept this relation.” Mr. Kashyap annoyingly rebuffed, “I am not forcing you to accept this relation. I will do whatever I want. Shalini and I love each other. You can do whatever you want. You are living in my money Rohit. Do you understand that?” Rohit had to say the final words before leaving, “I don’t want your money Mr. Kashyap. Though I had promised mom that I will get along with you but today I am going to break her promise for her own sake. Mr. Kashyap you are no more my father from today. Yes from this moment you are dead for me Mr. Kashyap.” He had said the final words to Shalini too who was with his father that moment, “When Mr. Kashyap can deceive me, who are you not to?”
After that day life became harder for Rohit to live in that city. So he decided to shift himself to another and start life all over again. He always felt that his mom would be observing him from heavens so he wanted to see her happy. He knew she would be happy by knowing that her son was trying to overcome all those harsh betrayals given to him and to fight against all the struggles that were around him. Time passed by healing the wounds.
But it was only today’s morning when everything again changed brutally for Rohit when he happened to find his father’s file between the pack of his files. He tried to remember how that file got to him. When he was leaving his father’s home along with his important study materials he had decided that he would not leave any of his memories in that home. That file was near the medicinal files of her mom in her bedroom. He opened that file slowly.
In the first page there were some phone numbers, in the second page he found a note like, “ACCIDENT OF MY WIFE MUST TAKE PLACE IN AUGUST 20th” At first he couldn’t realize what was the matter, but in no time he realized that his father would take notes regarding the dates of some important business meetings because he had a habit of forgetting in case he didn’t note. Rohit couldn’t believe, his eyes remained opened but he was still confused of what was the situation. He turned the next page with so many questions and emotions running all over his mind. The final page was a short letter which read like this.
My love Shalini,
I know that you and me are still separate and you have to act being in love with my son. But now the chapter will close soon as my wife will get an accident in 10 days from now. I have made every arrangement of that. Your and my way will be clear after that.
Ur’s Vinay
Rohit was still not able to believe that his father had killed his mother just for being together with the bitch Shalini. He repeatedly went through the file again and again. Finally, he sat in the chair near to him just emotionless, shocked. He had known the most brutal truth of his life which left him blank; just blank for those moments. Then his feet automatically took him to the park nearby where he would find a way to ease his loneliness.
He sat almost a day there emotionless, blank in every way. Finally as something went through all over his heart body and face just when the evening was showing up, he stood up firmly, took his head up and looked in the sky. He knew somewhere in heavens his mother was listening to his soliloquy, “Mom I can’t let go the person who killed you. Had you not said the words to me before you left the world I would have killed dad myself today. But I don’t want to make myself evil by killing him because I have to live for you and your expectations which always want to see me ahead in my life in everything. But I promise mom I won’t sleep from now till I get dad and that bitch Shalini behind the bars and make sure that they get the punishment of what they did to you. I promise you mom.”
He then slowly but firmly headed towards the police station to submit the file including all proofs against his father and Shalini.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
In the same road again
Life has taken Aman in the same road yet again but amazingly he can't even speak of it to anyone around him as no one will understand him and his scattered emotions. He himself never expected it to happen. Why do they say that what a person longs for in life is actually present for him to achieve. He knows he will never get what he expects now. Oh the road is all the same, it's just that time has traveled across a couple of vital years now. The years where he lost someone, his heart broke into scatters, he was almost drowned somewhere along the brutal pathways of the melodrama, yet he found that there was someone holding his hands strongly to let him survive, to teach him to live even if the worst phases of life are examining him.
Whenever Aman tries to look back at the years of his intimate friendship with Anjali all his memories get hurt brutally as soon as he feels for the worst day in their togetherness. The day when everything went wrong and the big wall of misunderstanding filled all its bricks in between their feelings. He is still not able to find the reason why Anjali didn't accept to get along with him when he shared to her that he felt he was in love with her. He got in such deep tears that day when Anjali was so arrogant to say that she never felt that way for him and that she took him only as a friend. She could have at least thought seriously about him instead of that she replied instantaneously about the rejection. However, Anjali then got along with her life as a happy girl indifferent of the scattered heartbeats of Aman without even thinking that he would be hurt frantically. His tears never counted to a girl, for stopping the tears of whom he could even dare to fight against the toughest struggles. A girl whom he supported and encouraged so much throughout their years of friendship during her good and bad times, whom he shed all tears and kept fighting to make her smile had continued her travel leaving him all alone. He could't believe Anjali would leave him and his friendship alone in such a boisterous path. A bosom friendship in the past got hanged up just because Aman went ahead to propose Anjali.
Aman wasn't hurt more by her denial than the way Anjali said to him that she believed in him and his friendship, however, she got shocked by the way he shared his feelings. Now she would never believe that girl and boy can share a bond of friendship only regardless of what Aman was feeling. Why was that Aman's tears never mattered to her especially after all the special moments they shared together during their years of friendship? Aman still tries hard to find the answer.
Yet Aman found a way to come out of all the depressions and move on in life, credits to Gunjan for the giving him company and encouraging him to move along in spite of such a big mishap in his life. Gunjan took care of his hurt emotions and gave him company during the worse days of his life. She made him understand that even if Anjali left him alone he is a person of such high calibers that he would reconcile with Anjali instead of separating her all away from his life. It was Gunjan who brought his smile back again in his face.She understood all of his good and bad phases and filled him with courage to struggle. It was all due to Gunjan which enabled Aman to take the positive side of happenings, she told him that friends are never wrong its only the condition which is wrong at times.
But still Aman has ambivalent emotions to fight with to get along in the travel. He seems he can't trust anyone totally because of what happened with him yet somewhere he hopes that whole friendship can't be pointed out to be bad just by one doomed incident in life. Life still has so many prospects and friendship for him was always the best one. Confessed that he was hurt badly on one hand by someone whom he trusted more than himself, on the other hand he has friends like Gunjan who are always with him in his struggles. She won't leave him even if time is worst for him.
Aman tries hard to find positive vibes in this baffled thoughts of struggles for searching true friends. He is still in the same road where he has to make the most important decision of his life to whether to forgive friends who hurt him so much or to leave them with their life making a step forward.
Whenever Aman tries to look back at the years of his intimate friendship with Anjali all his memories get hurt brutally as soon as he feels for the worst day in their togetherness. The day when everything went wrong and the big wall of misunderstanding filled all its bricks in between their feelings. He is still not able to find the reason why Anjali didn't accept to get along with him when he shared to her that he felt he was in love with her. He got in such deep tears that day when Anjali was so arrogant to say that she never felt that way for him and that she took him only as a friend. She could have at least thought seriously about him instead of that she replied instantaneously about the rejection. However, Anjali then got along with her life as a happy girl indifferent of the scattered heartbeats of Aman without even thinking that he would be hurt frantically. His tears never counted to a girl, for stopping the tears of whom he could even dare to fight against the toughest struggles. A girl whom he supported and encouraged so much throughout their years of friendship during her good and bad times, whom he shed all tears and kept fighting to make her smile had continued her travel leaving him all alone. He could't believe Anjali would leave him and his friendship alone in such a boisterous path. A bosom friendship in the past got hanged up just because Aman went ahead to propose Anjali.
Aman wasn't hurt more by her denial than the way Anjali said to him that she believed in him and his friendship, however, she got shocked by the way he shared his feelings. Now she would never believe that girl and boy can share a bond of friendship only regardless of what Aman was feeling. Why was that Aman's tears never mattered to her especially after all the special moments they shared together during their years of friendship? Aman still tries hard to find the answer.
Yet Aman found a way to come out of all the depressions and move on in life, credits to Gunjan for the giving him company and encouraging him to move along in spite of such a big mishap in his life. Gunjan took care of his hurt emotions and gave him company during the worse days of his life. She made him understand that even if Anjali left him alone he is a person of such high calibers that he would reconcile with Anjali instead of separating her all away from his life. It was Gunjan who brought his smile back again in his face.She understood all of his good and bad phases and filled him with courage to struggle. It was all due to Gunjan which enabled Aman to take the positive side of happenings, she told him that friends are never wrong its only the condition which is wrong at times.
But still Aman has ambivalent emotions to fight with to get along in the travel. He seems he can't trust anyone totally because of what happened with him yet somewhere he hopes that whole friendship can't be pointed out to be bad just by one doomed incident in life. Life still has so many prospects and friendship for him was always the best one. Confessed that he was hurt badly on one hand by someone whom he trusted more than himself, on the other hand he has friends like Gunjan who are always with him in his struggles. She won't leave him even if time is worst for him.
Aman tries hard to find positive vibes in this baffled thoughts of struggles for searching true friends. He is still in the same road where he has to make the most important decision of his life to whether to forgive friends who hurt him so much or to leave them with their life making a step forward.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Life for me in USA ..
Dear friends, its already been a little more than three months since I am in USA, however, I haven't still shared anything about my experiences in this country. I must not delay in sharing these vital learnings for me because unless jot down and shared I can't personally recount my mistakes and take the best part of the lessons for me to get my upcoming life favored during the more rigorous struggles I am yet to face. I am not afraid of struggles, however, they aren't my friends either. Apart from this hopefully the experiences I share will recourse all of you in some ways or the other as all of us have to face good and bad days in the odyssey of life.
The days up to now have been more on the adjustment sides as this is completely a new life style for me to cope with, some new faces to be familiar with and most importantly newer concepts to overcome to move ahead in my career. It's soothing to have friends from my undergraduate college here with me living together. A lot of seniors from Nepal are really caring and helpful and of course memories of my golden days of my home stay are helping me a great deal in my endeavors over here. As long as I try; for the way life flows; I hope I can definitely do something to make the flowing patterns as the way I like regardless of the fact that my efforts can completely go in vein. The take home message for me is that I have to find ways to rush to success by hook or by crook. I don't have alternatives in this regard and I don't want alternatives for this either. This has been such a great phenomenon in my life that my best shot comes up when things are worst for me.
There are a lot of things which I found hard to be at ease here but I have started to make all of them my chums. I miss my home badly, the moments with my family and close friends were so special. I really long for these things when I find myself all alone even if there is a big crowd around me. It's a big truth that even if we keep travelling in search of opportunities to foreign lands we need to depart from the ones we love, the places we enjoy to live at and the things we love to do in our home town. Memories remain as the best healers in such eerie departures of us and our cherished days in our country.
The dream of moving back to my hometown, to my family members who would do anything for my company, to the country roads in which I engulfed walking around mesmerized, to the cute smiles of elderly people and children in my village observing the way I lived, to the rain of our hometown with which we would be insane playing for uncountable hours is still there somewhere in all corners of my heart and will never end. The only thing is that I want to get my dream completed only after I am successful in my career for what I am here. The road ahead can be hazardous but stiffer are my mentalities to complete this journey. No matter in how many hectic ways it renders anxieties to us. We just have to keep travelling with all hopes, encouragement and hard work.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Swinging against depressions
Dear friends,
The character "me" here represents so many frustrated and depressed people all over the world. Though I have tried to mention the apex of depressed mentality over here, which none of us would have faced, I am sure everyone of us perhaps must have experienced even some leaves of the mentalities which I have expressed.
Walking alone ......
Destiny - thorns; only and only thorns and only isolation and solitude .......... human hates them .... bravo! I can't hate my destiny ......
No friends, no shadows, no world and no music
just alone, alone, alone
I am struggling to survive, my shadow has left me already due to the darkness of my life. Though, I am trying to smile to show the world that I am happy, no one can feel the tears of my heart.
A miserable life, long lasting loneliness, strong temptations .....
I hate my luck, it never afforded me happiness
I hate god, he never looked up to my veneration.
Is it the ample depression that I am surrounded with or that's a reality which forces me to sink in ocean of frustrations. I am baffling hard to find my answers.
I loose even if I am the only competitor. Friendship for me is just a way to remove sorrows from my daily life.
I am afraid my pessimistic approach can take me near demise, yet I will continue it, because when reality starts all dreams are limited within their small perimeters...
Father, I need you, please fortify my confidence and courage against the travesty around me right now. Help me father as I am finding myself lost forever .... Mother please be in my heart forever because your presence advents a lot of vehemence for me and after that every depression be a part of my life without any pain.
I had hurt myself by touching my wound with my own big and sharp finger nails.
Time is chuckling at me.... the brutal laugh as ever is using hardest of weapons to shorten the distance between me and my last breathe. I am swinging in the zenith of my struggle where two bosom friends are me and my death.
Still, I am proud of myself that I have experienced and survived a number of such doom days throughout my life ..... "travel even if pain is in each and every part of the body-my strongest philosophy"
The character "me" here represents so many frustrated and depressed people all over the world. Though I have tried to mention the apex of depressed mentality over here, which none of us would have faced, I am sure everyone of us perhaps must have experienced even some leaves of the mentalities which I have expressed.
Walking alone ......
Destiny - thorns; only and only thorns and only isolation and solitude .......... human hates them .... bravo! I can't hate my destiny ......
No friends, no shadows, no world and no music
just alone, alone, alone
I am struggling to survive, my shadow has left me already due to the darkness of my life. Though, I am trying to smile to show the world that I am happy, no one can feel the tears of my heart.
A miserable life, long lasting loneliness, strong temptations .....
I hate my luck, it never afforded me happiness
I hate god, he never looked up to my veneration.
Is it the ample depression that I am surrounded with or that's a reality which forces me to sink in ocean of frustrations. I am baffling hard to find my answers.
I loose even if I am the only competitor. Friendship for me is just a way to remove sorrows from my daily life.
I am afraid my pessimistic approach can take me near demise, yet I will continue it, because when reality starts all dreams are limited within their small perimeters...
Father, I need you, please fortify my confidence and courage against the travesty around me right now. Help me father as I am finding myself lost forever .... Mother please be in my heart forever because your presence advents a lot of vehemence for me and after that every depression be a part of my life without any pain.
I had hurt myself by touching my wound with my own big and sharp finger nails.
Time is chuckling at me.... the brutal laugh as ever is using hardest of weapons to shorten the distance between me and my last breathe. I am swinging in the zenith of my struggle where two bosom friends are me and my death.
Still, I am proud of myself that I have experienced and survived a number of such doom days throughout my life ..... "travel even if pain is in each and every part of the body-my strongest philosophy"
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