It was her eighteenth birthday, yet her mother didn’t even call her to wish her. Roshani expected her calls at least in her birthdays although she knew that her mother hates her so much. She never wished her in all these years. Roshani had tried so hard to achieve her mother’s love and affection ever since she realized she was bereft of that. When she understood her childhood for the first time she was shocked to observe that her mother kept distances from her and behaved with her rudely even if she tried to be close with her.
On her sixth birthday, when her father and other relatives wished her she realized that her mother was just indifferent to her even for that day. Then she ran through all the tears she could and asked her father, “Dad why is mom behaving like this even today. I thought this was just my illusion that mom hates me but today I am sure you are hiding something from me.” Her father looked at her astonishingly; he was stunned that such a small child could ask such a big question. He realized that it was the right time to explain Roshani what had happened during her birth.
“Roshani, my princess today I will tell you everything” her father began, “Look it’s not anyone’s fault but destiny found a road like this during the time of your birth. Your mother had always wished for a son since the day we got married, I said I wished a daughter. But then we promised each other that either son or a daughter we will always take care of the child. During her pregnancy we came to know from the doctor that she would give birth to twins, a son and a daughter. We were so happy to hear that news. Everything was running fine before one day she fell of a ladder just a couple of days earlier than her expected delivery. She went unconscious, the doctors at the hospital later on explained to me that the case had become much more complex. They tried hard in the operation but couldn’t save your twin brother. When your mother came to know about this, she underwent a strange shock. When we took you in front of her, she had cried for your brother aloud, “Take away this girl from me, she isn’t my daughter in fact she has killed my son.” She continued crying for days, the doctors later said that the pain of the death of her son had incepted such a bad effect suddenly that she had started to hate you when she first saw you.” Her father finished and silence covered that room for sometime which was almost killing Roshani. She broke the silence, “But dad didn’t you talk to her regarding this later on up to now?” “Of course I tried a lot of times; however, I don’t know why her mind and face would feel a strange type of agony when I started talking about you. She just screamed with anguish that you had killed your brother” Her father broke into tears, “You know Roshani she didn’t even milk you during your early childhood.” The scene was outrageous. Moments later both hugged each other and cried for long.
A week later Roshani asked her father regarding the hardest decision she had to make in such early years for her, “Dad I can’t live here with mom being like the way she is to me. Please send me far away to hostel for my studies. I can’t survive mom being near me and hating me. But if I am far from her maybe she will realize my love for her one day.” Her father was astonished, “Do you know what are you saying Roshani? Don’t lose hopes my child we will try our best together to make your mom overcome the shock she went through and start loving you again. Please baby” “No dad” Roshani replied firmly, “I thought about this for so long. I feel as if I am almost dying when I realize that mom hates me and I can’t live like this together with her.” She went to her mother as she was about to leave home, “Mom I am going far from your life today. I just want to say that whatever happened wasn’t due to me, I wish I had died that day instead of my brother so that you would have been fine and happy nowadays. I hope someday in life you will understand that I love you more than my life.” Roshani almost cried listening to her mom’s reply, “I will always hate you for killing my son you devil. Go away and never come back in my life.” She took a step back, turned around; her mother didn’t see the big drops of tears all through her eyes as she kept running away from her to the gate where her father was standing to take her to the hostel.
Roshani had decided that she would never return home unless her mother felt love for her. She thought she would share her feelings of love and respect for her mother in her secret letters of loneliness. Though she wouldn’t send all the letters to her mom, she would send a letter once in a year just before her birthday keeping her fingers crossed that maybe this year her mom’s heart would melt for her. Years went by doing as she decided, yet no replies from her mom. Her father tried to take her back many times yet didn’t succeed because of her determination of not going in front of her mother unless she completely spread love for her.
The letters which she wrote during different times of her loneliness continued growing more matured and emotional as time passed by still her mother was on the same boat of hate and angriness for her. Roshani would spend numerous nights sleeplessly while writing the letter which she sent to her mother just before every of her birthday carefully scrutinizing every of the word she would write. However, she always heard from her father that her mom never read those letters even once. She tore them without even glancing at them.
Roshani was lost in all emotional feelings while crossing the road a day after her eighteenth birthday as she often used to, she couldn’t notice a big car rushing towards her. Although the driver tried to control the accident by applying brakes, it was too late to avoid the collision. She got struck by the car and was thrown a few meters away. She was murmuring before she went unconscious, “Don’t hate me mom please. I can’t live without your love.” Instantly, in spite of being far away from her, a strange anguish went inside her mother’s heart as if she had listened to those words, she screamed aloud, “Roshani”. Aside her husband woke up; it was middle of the night, “What happened dear? Did you saw a bad dream? Please keep courage; I know it’s hard for us for both of us to cope with our son’s death just a couple of months earlier but still we need to live for our princess Roshani.”
“Adi” as she called her husband whenever she was emotional, “If whatever I saw today was a dream, I am so much thankful to this dream for it has taught me the importance of our child Roshani in my life. Now, I will give her the love of her twin brother too which she can’t get in life because of his death during my delivery.”
Then slowly she stepped towards her small, cute and tiny two months old sleeping child Roshani, took her little hands, caressed them and kissed them. Two big drops of tears went down her eyes as she whispered softly, “I am so sorry for whatever I did even in my dreams princess. The letters will always be important not only for you but also for me too. We will write the sweetest words for each other in them and read them together when time comes”
