Once again all I see is ‘TIME’ flying; hell, it didn’t stop even when I broke my watch completely apart. Yes I did when I was filled with rage; foolish right? I never thought the next moment every other watch I see would definitely be running. Never thought, it’s indeed the most frantic ogre I was challenging, and to all my exacerbations, dreaming to win. There is another school of thought which my heart runs, “You would never have dared to break that watch if it were expensive.” Another question; which I have no ‘TIME’ to answer right now. I admit my heart is insane, please do check my other posts if you don’t believe me friends.
TIME flies and life moves on. I am here updating my blog this moment, however, let me assure you all, it won’t be too far apart when I will be looking at the post again say a year from now, won’t even be too long when it gets a couple of years from now. They say that ‘TIME’ is a larger than life phenomena, it moves at a constant pace; instead us are those who flow, however, I have this uneasy feeling that these two theories are mere analogies because either way, the human brain starts being sensitive about getting older.
The great Indian lyricist Javed Akhtar more than a year ago tweeted to one of my most admired personalities, a great actor and above all as humble as a person can ever get, Amitabh Bachchan, on this huge occasion of his granddaughter’s birth, “Congrats Amit jee (people call him using names like Amit jee, Big B, Amit Uncle with respect); time flies, really, that too so swiftly; it seems just like yesterday when I congratulated you on Sweta’s (his daughter) birth.” See it’s already been more a year since her granddaughter was born now. Oh dear, ‘TIME’ really files making its pace impossible to be checked.
Having said that, there are some realities we need to accept. With ‘TIME’ flying around us, we are travelling nearer to embrace our ultimate and surest moment in this planet ‘DEMISE’. I call it surest because we all are entitled to it, when and where, unpredictable and unknown. The journey of a human body will terminate, that’s one basic law of this melodrama called ‘LIFE’, which can’t be refuted. One more theory starts to make existence that the soul lives forever till eternity. There is no proof though and at this moment I tend to dispute this theory completely because of my recent experience. Recently, I had broken my collar bone while playing soccer; which when to be fixed, the doctor pointed out that I needed a surgery. So just before the surgery, they directed me to inhale some anesthetics for making me unconscious. The moment I inhaled the medicine it was all zilch for me with no any feelings whatsoever till the next moment (for me at least) after almost six hours where I found myself in the recovery room. I wondered after I became conscious that may be death is like this; guess everything finishes for him/her when a person dies.
Now, here’s the big question which I really wanted to talk about in this post, “I wonder why people have even a few negatives in their inner conscience (although they all will argue forever that they don’t have any) (also I am not taking myself out, I am definitely somewhere in the crowd), when they all know that there must not be any ‘TIME’ for keeping those negatives; first due to the ephemerality of this journey and second due to the fact that it is for one time, it cannot be repeated, it will never be repeated; not until infinite years.” Then, I wonder if this reservoir of negatives in people such as, selfishness, anger, resentment, jealousy, hatred, insanity, evil etc. is paving a slow and substantial path for extreme societal disharmony. I also wonder if the situation is really worsening when as a matter of fact, there are so many positives out there too.
The answers to these three of my astonishments are truly complex and I am nearly sure, impossible. There is always a line between reality and imagination. That line is impossible to cut, making it unthinkable to intersect two entirely different worlds, one of which (the imaginary world indeed) in all proofs does not exist at all. I will definitely come up with some more perspectives in this regard when I write my upcoming posts. But right now let me not digress from what I have conceived my theme of this piece as ‘TIME FLYING’.
Even though we can’t do anything about ‘TIME’ flying, I guess we can do a few things about coordinating with our endeavors to satisfy ourselves and our hearts when we keep taking a look back in a number of upcoming sojourns of this daredevil odyssey. There is a huge debate about how the phrase “Its never too late” fits so gracefully when we keep talking about its contradiction that ‘TIME’ is flying and really valuable. Indeed, I also do believe that its never too late as long as we do not quit trying with our utmost honesty; there have been various examples of people who succeeded in several years after failing uncountable times in their tries. Another prospective somewhere coherent is that our heart values such efforts much more when we try to accomplish in the direction of its happiness. What I mean here is that the best way to live is to follow the career path in which we and our heart are happiest. Someone has rightly said that if we follow the work path which our heart loves most, work can easily enjoyed as much as playing a game.
Personally, I feel that ‘TIME’ is a great enemy to me although it may sound maverick and far from pragmatic approach. But as much as I am confounded with its silent enmity with me, so frantically, my desire is to enjoy this rendezvous with such a day in my life where I can stare directly at heavens and holler loud, “I am happy at what I did even with TIME flying around me.” In worst case scenario, I know I will be condemned for making that statement because of the uncountable failures I encountered; however, I still will be so happy just because of the satisfaction my heart will feel at that time, thanks to the uncountable utmost and honest efforts I made before I yelled.” But that day is still a long way to go because I can never lie to my heart that I have made honest efforts. I am only waiting to find myself in the right path and with TIME flying around me, I will be more than happy if that day comes even just before my last breathe in this insouciant world.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Confessions ...
I move on in life, trying hard to make my friends and people whom I meet smile and laugh at my humor, jokes and efficacy. I feel good when I see them smiling because of me. I love even being a small kid to prosper their smiles, of course I am always a child with children around me. However, having said that I still have so many issues which keep my heart far from that eternal and blissful happiness, that satisfaction and that splendor. They say no one has a perfect life but my imperfections are so keen to bring depression as one of my closest chum. I try to break free, my smile helps, but this all apparently is like a lost war, with only failures ahead.
My first big issue is losing friends. Some days in the past they would be like the best of people I had, right now they are far away like at horizon. I don’t know who the culprit in those misunderstandings was but I know whenever someone goes away from me I start evaluating and judging him/her. This is such a bad habit of me, why should I curse them only because they choose to leave me. Who am I to evaluate that they were wrong and I was right. In fact, I can never forget the words of last friend who went away from my life, “It is you who is losing friends and making people far, so the problem is within you, not others. You are like a hope at first who later automatically turns into disaster when people know you closely.” All I have been thinking since that day is I still have so many people so near in my life to disprove his statement, but I assume that his confrontation was true; I just can say from my heart that I will try not to turn to disaster from now for them who still take me as a hope. I feel so guilty in myself, apologetic.
I may lie to people around me but I can never lie to my own heart. There are days in my life when focus and hard work is such important, however, in those urgent times, my laziness allows procrastination to be such great friend of mine. Later on, I feel the pressure of my back jostled badly against the wall, almost a panic situation. Somehow, I survive those scenarios, determine myself I will avoid such circumstances in future, to the worse, such circumstances never change, all my determinations to avoid them look so fake. But to be honest I really try the best I can to avoid panic situations in my life; it’s only that they never work out well.
There was a time in my life when writing was my passion, my dedication and my inspiration. But I guess gone with the wind are those good old days, when I used to write so much, literally all emotions of my heart, and write so spontaneously, and beautifully. These days when I think about writing something, I have to inspire myself a lot to even start.
With all these negativism in heart, I still have many positives. I am thankful to this life and such a great family; there are many people in my life who care about me a lot, who love me a lot. I have seen and felt people with a million more anxieties than me, however, their smiles still so prevalent. All I need is a fresh start. I remember when I was in B.Sc. 1st year, 2nd Semester or during the times of my GRE study or in USA in the times when my final thesis defense was coming near I was a student dedicated so much to my studies and work ethics. I need to be much more consistent. I must forget those who left me, without any grudges whatsoever, never discuss about people and never be keen to backbite anyone even those who think bad of me. Let them be dealt by god himself.
I feel happy to write this note in my blog after such a long time. Life is moving on and some day if I keep trying I will definitely achieve what I deserve. Through this public forum, I thank all my well-wishers, my friends, my seniors and my colleagues who have inspired me to do well and apologize from the bottom of my heart if I hurt them knowingly or unknowingly, or didn't stand up to their expectations.
For me the journey begins here, although my efforts have failed uncountable times. I have a message to people who are reading this piece, I hope if you guys have such issues like me, you all will be strong enough, patient and look for the solutions instead of talking about the problems consistently again and again. I leave you guys with opening lines of one special song from Bill Withers entitled 'Lean on me' - 'Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain we all have sorrows. But if we are wise we know that there's always tomorrow.' All I can say from my experience is that life is too short to regret about mistakes but long enough to start learning to rectify those mistakes.
My first big issue is losing friends. Some days in the past they would be like the best of people I had, right now they are far away like at horizon. I don’t know who the culprit in those misunderstandings was but I know whenever someone goes away from me I start evaluating and judging him/her. This is such a bad habit of me, why should I curse them only because they choose to leave me. Who am I to evaluate that they were wrong and I was right. In fact, I can never forget the words of last friend who went away from my life, “It is you who is losing friends and making people far, so the problem is within you, not others. You are like a hope at first who later automatically turns into disaster when people know you closely.” All I have been thinking since that day is I still have so many people so near in my life to disprove his statement, but I assume that his confrontation was true; I just can say from my heart that I will try not to turn to disaster from now for them who still take me as a hope. I feel so guilty in myself, apologetic.
I may lie to people around me but I can never lie to my own heart. There are days in my life when focus and hard work is such important, however, in those urgent times, my laziness allows procrastination to be such great friend of mine. Later on, I feel the pressure of my back jostled badly against the wall, almost a panic situation. Somehow, I survive those scenarios, determine myself I will avoid such circumstances in future, to the worse, such circumstances never change, all my determinations to avoid them look so fake. But to be honest I really try the best I can to avoid panic situations in my life; it’s only that they never work out well.
There was a time in my life when writing was my passion, my dedication and my inspiration. But I guess gone with the wind are those good old days, when I used to write so much, literally all emotions of my heart, and write so spontaneously, and beautifully. These days when I think about writing something, I have to inspire myself a lot to even start.
With all these negativism in heart, I still have many positives. I am thankful to this life and such a great family; there are many people in my life who care about me a lot, who love me a lot. I have seen and felt people with a million more anxieties than me, however, their smiles still so prevalent. All I need is a fresh start. I remember when I was in B.Sc. 1st year, 2nd Semester or during the times of my GRE study or in USA in the times when my final thesis defense was coming near I was a student dedicated so much to my studies and work ethics. I need to be much more consistent. I must forget those who left me, without any grudges whatsoever, never discuss about people and never be keen to backbite anyone even those who think bad of me. Let them be dealt by god himself.
I feel happy to write this note in my blog after such a long time. Life is moving on and some day if I keep trying I will definitely achieve what I deserve. Through this public forum, I thank all my well-wishers, my friends, my seniors and my colleagues who have inspired me to do well and apologize from the bottom of my heart if I hurt them knowingly or unknowingly, or didn't stand up to their expectations.
For me the journey begins here, although my efforts have failed uncountable times. I have a message to people who are reading this piece, I hope if you guys have such issues like me, you all will be strong enough, patient and look for the solutions instead of talking about the problems consistently again and again. I leave you guys with opening lines of one special song from Bill Withers entitled 'Lean on me' - 'Sometimes in our lives, we all have pain we all have sorrows. But if we are wise we know that there's always tomorrow.' All I can say from my experience is that life is too short to regret about mistakes but long enough to start learning to rectify those mistakes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)